Glass Case of Emotions

I've always been an emotional person.

I cry about a lot of things - commericals, sentimental Hallmark cards, happy times, sad times. I cry when I'm angry (GOD, i hate that), I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad. I'm surprised I'm not crying while writing this - the reason I'm not is because I cried just BEFORE writing this.

I find myself being a bit more emotional when it comes to news stories, TV show storylines, and the like involving babies - especially baby boys. I identify with having a baby boy more than I did before, because, duh, I didn't have a baby boy before March of this year. The thing is - it KEEPS me in a sad state of mind. Before, I could cry about something - let's say, a death of a child in the news - and after being sad for the child, sad for the family, having my little cry, I could move on. Now - it sticks with me. I read a story about a little boy being killed at the hands of his 'mother', and I can't stop crying. I can't stop thinking about that poor, sweet, innocent child....I think of how sweet he would have smelt, his little cries for his mama to love him, his little baby noises. I can't stop thinking about this poor baby and the shitty mother he was given. Or the shitty father he had. I look at my baby, and I can't imagine how anyone could hurt someone so small, so sweet. And my heart hurts for those babies that were hurt.

I trigger cry to the song "New Slang" by the Shins, because it was in a movie where an adult son died and his father continued on a trip the son was taking ("the  Way") because I feel I'd do the same thing if it were my son. I cry watching Grey's Anatomy even more now when a child has a life threatening disease or injury, because - what if that happens to my child? Dammit, even thinking about if "The Walking Dead" were to come true, I cry in fear for my son now. How fucked is that. Crying about ZOMBIES EATING MY CHILD, WHEN ZOMBIES DO NOT EXIST.

I knew parenthood would 'change everything'. I knew I'd worry more, and have more stress. I guess I anticipated having a few more cries. I didn't realize just how MUCH though. I've definitely increased our Kleenex budget.