Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Scaredy Cat

Maybe it's the time of the year, but lately, my mind has been consumed with my fears. Mix halloween and fright along with the impending changes in your life once Baby Lex (not the child's real name, just a nickname for now) arrives, and you got one big Scaredy Cat Nelly.

I'm terrified of growing old and death. I'm scared of losing my parents, scared of losing my sisters, scared of losing my husband, scared of losing my family. I'm scared shitless of raising a child who might have health issues and die young. I am afraid of not raising my child with the confidence and abilities they need to stand up for themselves when it comes to things like bullying and the like. I'm terrified of what our future world is going to be like, and if bringing a child into it is worth it. These are the thoughts that run though my head too often, and make me cry in the shower.

Basically, I'm afraid of the future and everything in it. I like things how they are now.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Baby on Board.

I wasn't exactly truthful in my last post.

Well, I didn't lie - I guess I just omitted some details, particularly why I hadn't been drinking and why I cut out pop and the like. And that reason why was because I am pregnant.

Yes, we found out late July (the 24th) that I was with child. Just a couple weeks along, so it was still quite 'fresh'. And of course, as soon as I found out, that was it for wine. Until we meet again, old friend....

Thus, a new theme for this blog. Not that there ever was one, as I posted quite sporatically and on random topics. There will be less about trying to stay active (though I am still trying to stay active while pregnant, but the first trimester pretty much said NO to that idea), and more about just random things that pop into this pregnant lady's head. Which is a lot, and is still quite random.

With that, just a little blurb about how pregnancy is going for me so far.

...it's been great. Like, weirdly great. You hear all these horrible stories about pregnancy, from sickness to stress, and lots of other unpleasantness. I have (yet) to experience anything terrible. I had one day where my stomach felt a little bit 'pukey' but I did not puke, and it passed by me as quick as it came on. Other than the extreme exhaustion during the first trimester, and the insane hunger, I really don't feel 'pregnant'. I thought I'd feel different in some way. I have a few more blemishes on my chest and back, but meh, I don't see that as bad. I haven't had any major food cravings (which I really wish I did), and no real aversions to anything.

My stomach is kinda looking more like a pregnant lady's belly rather than just a flabby belly, thank god. More on that topic another day.

So yeah - pregnancy has been great so far...other than no longer having any pants that properly fit!